Well this isnt easy to do... Its been three months and Im so lost without you Ive been this way since we broke up in 2005 So dealing with the fact that youve passed on is not going to well. I First of all I have to say Sorry!! Sorry for not being there for you like you were there for me and my Mum and my lil sis.
I guess thats what hurts the most. Your were our real life angel always right behind us telling us to keep going and never stop smiling, you made living life look so easy and you never hesitated to be there for me whenever I called. You were so good at getting on with what had to be done. Each day I I fight myself in facing reality simply because you were so full of life you seemed invincible to me.
There is so much I want to tell you and the last time we saw each other it was really fucked up.. I can remember the look on your face when we last saw each other and I know how much you loved me and that what kills me chad.
So at this point all I have is memories and I dont know what to do with them. I want to share a couple with those who knew me and chads history I remember getting in the car with you and Joe and Lucas when you went to Salisbury High,and then we would smoke some green (those were the days). Big Joe had long hair back then and he looked so scary, you was playing for Port Adelaide at the time yet you were still smoking and drinking and running amok you really had the best of both worlds I think. When I think back my memory plays a tune of all the times we were out till late and of all the times we crashed out on your lounge watchin sopranos or one your many gangsta movies that you loved to watch. And I have fond memories of spending time with you and Lucas and Nicki, Your Mum and Craig and the boys, Nono, Uncle T and Aunty Carmel, Joe and Donna. Uncle Bruno, Chopper, Amanda, Alyssa and Warren. Uncle Claude, Rose. Aunty Rosetta, Bianca and Tony. Big Joe. Steve and Hayley,Gav and Mel,Joe Calava and there was so many other people that I cant even remember but these people were so close to Chad and he loved all you guys so much and he never wanted to dissapoint any of you.
I also remember the day you drove past me this was after we had finished school and went our separte ways you saw me in your car the ( yellow gemini) and out of the blue you rang me at my house after a year and you apologised for being a prick to me all those years through school, that spun me out and to this day it still does. And I think that phone call started our relationship which lasted for almost 5/6 years or more, from the moment I started becoming a young women your was there, there is a big part of who I am today is because of you.
I would like to thank all of Chads friends and family for accepting me and loving me I wish things were different because I miss Chad and you guys SO MUCH!!! Also and I know how much you all loved each other and theres a big empty space that he once filled. I feel chad around me and I talk to him often. But sometimes I dont I just fall into a zone where nothing really has changed and nothing really matters because the way things are, it just doesnt feel right. But I know Chads in a better place and hes up there on his throne, he is defenitley now the King he always was.
Like all young men Chad was stubborn and hard-headed and he always said to me that he knew he would die young, I thought he was ignorant for saying it because he had so much to do. And when I think back he created so many relationships and maintained them which isnt easy to do... and he did so much stuff in this 26 years to last him another 20 years.
Chad, your my world, everday I think of you and I thought as the days pass it would get easier but its not the case at all, just come and visit me from time to time. I miss holding your hand and I miss your voice and most of all I miss your hugs. Rest In Peace my friend.
One Love
Kayla
